A Million Ways to Find a Doctor in the West
by evegirl169
Summary: All Albert is trying to do is enjoy the annual fair with Anna. But, apparently, Foy has other plans and a shooting gallery challenge ensues. Little does anyone know who is also about to take part in this challenge - the Doctor and his companion, Scottish-native Merida! But how? And more importantly, why?


**HEY EVERYONE! IT'S ME! Now I know some of you are wondering why I haven't written anything in so long. All I can say is a lot has been going on in my life lately and I just haven't had the time to write anything new. But just know, it has been on my mind everyday. And now here I am with an all new story! There are just a few things I need to make clear:**

**1.) How I came up with this story is beyond even ME! It just came up!**

**2.) All of the events from "A Million Ways to Die in the West" come from the NOVEL version! Though I have desperately wanted to see the movie...! **

**3.) If I am OOC with any of the characters involved, I am so sorry! I can only try!**

**4.) This is sort of a three-way crossover, but FanFiction will only allow me to put in two. Just a heads-up!**

**5.) I do not own "A Million Ways to Die in the West", "Doctor Who", or "Brave". (Yes, those are the stories involved. Revert back to number one.)**

**READ. REVIEW. AND, FURTHERMORE, ENJOY! I AM BACK!**

Today was not Albert's day.

But then again, when was it _ever _Albert's day?

Albert Stark was a fricking _sheepfarmer _in _Arizona _in _1882,_ for God's sake! Not to mention that he resided in Old Stump, the most crappiest, dirtiest, and deadliest town in the whole Wild West. "Everything out here that's not you, wants to kill you," Albert would always say. Not that anyone would listen to him or consider his words. They would just call him a coward and leave it at that.

_Coward for a purpose, _Albert thought. So far, being a coward had worked for him. He had managed to stay alive for this long.

But now, probably for the first time in Albert's life, he wished he were dead.

It was Old Stump's annual fair. So much was going on during this time. Barbecues, games, peddlers selling crappy products for crappy profits.

Everyone in town was there, mainly strolling around the fairgrounds, observing the festivities, making small talk with others. Albert was perfectly content with strolling along with them, accompanied by his new friend (if one would call her that) Anna Barnes, the beautiful newcomer to Old Stump. Everything was going good, until _they _showed up.

Yes, _them. _

Foy and Louise. Albert's worst enemy and his ex-girlfriend. Locking arms, locking eyes with each other, and casually walking in the direction of Albert and Anna.

Nothing could stop the confrontation between the two couples. Nor could anything stop Anna mildly suggesting that they all go to the shooting gallery. _Nor _could anything stop Foy from making a bet with Albert. A penny a target. (Originally, it was a nickel, but the price was reduced for Albert's sake).

So now, here was Albert in front of the shooting gallery, gun in hand, targets ready. Foy already had his turn. He managed to shoot six out of the twelve targets.

_Bastard, _Albert thought as he stepped forward to take his turn. Beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead as he raised the gun and fired.

Six shots rang out.

Not a single target was hit.

The crowd that had formed around the gallery began to roar with uncontrollable laughter as Albert hung his head in utter defeat. He should've known that he would embarrass himself. _Please God, just kill me now, _he begged in his mind.

"Looks like that's six cents you owe me, sheepherder," he heard Foy say behind him, smugly. Heaving a sigh, Albert searched into his pockets for six pennies. He was about to hand them over when, suddenly, Anna intervened between the two.

"Hang on a second," she said, smiling. "You want to make this more interesting?"

Foy took a step back and gave his full attention to Anna.

"If I can shoot all twelve targets on Albert's behalf, you owe him a dollar. If I can't, he owes you a dollar," she finished.

To say that Anna's bet shocked the whole crowd was an understatement. Everyone gasped and whispered amongst themselves at the challenge.

Foy could only stare at Anna and say, "Well, now that _is _interesting. All right, then. It's a bet."

He stepped forward, handing Anna the gun. "Do your best... _ma'am," _he said, stressing the last word.

Anna didn't reply to Foy's words. She merely stepped towards the vendor, asked for a second gun, and asked him to speed up the pace of the targets. The vendor nodded hesitantly and cranked the machine up to full speed.

Anna readied herself and aimed the guns high. One by one, the targets came up, but only for a mere second as Anna shot them down. When the round was over, Anna had shot _every single target. _

Only Albert spoke up among the now dead-silent crowd. "Holy shh..." he stammered out, but found himself too stunned to finish his sentence.

Anna laid the guns down and turned around confidently towards Foy. "That'll be one dollar," she said, smugly. Foy blushed as he fished out a dollar from his pocket. The crowd gawked in awe at the sight of the dollar. No one had ever seen a dollar in Old Stump before. It might as well have been a gift from God.

However, Foy did not hand the dollar over without having one last word in.

"Well, well. A man who lets his girlfriend do his shooting for him. Isn't that a fine how-do-you-do."

Foy cautiously looked around to see if his comment had made any buzz. The crowd was merely whispering about his words. That apparently was not enough as Foy cleared his throat and said once again, only more loudly, "I say, isn't _that _a fine how-do-you-do!" As if that was the miraculously cue for them, the crowd began to laugh uncontrollably again. Albert and Anna could only stare at him hatefully.

"Awe, that's nothing!"

Everyone went silent again and their ears perked up at the sound of the unrecognizable voice. They turned their heads around in confusion at one another to see if the voice had come from someone nearby. _What the hell? _Albert thought as he looked around with the rest of the crowd. Anna turned to look at him and all he could give her was a shrug. Suddenly, Albert's ears caught the sound of people schooching and moving away from each other. The middle of the crowd began to part like the Red Sea to show a young woman coming forward.

She looked to be sixteen or seventeen at the most. She was slightly pudgy in some areas, but certainly not overweight. Her red-orange hair went wild on top of her head. Her bright blue eyes shone with some youth and courage. Freckles adorned her round, pale face. But what _really _got Albert were her clothes. She wore a dark-navy dress and had what looked like an off-white undershirt poking out of it. A large brown belt was around her waist with a big, gold buckle holding onto a piece of flannel cloth. She seemed to be carrying with her a bow and a set of arrows on her back.

She looked so... out of place. Different. _Dangerous. _

Albert could only glare at her as she made her way to the center of the circle around the gallery. With every step she took forward, Albert (along with the rest of the crowd it seemed) took one step back. Finally, she stopped and looked around at the curious and scared individuals. She smirked slightly and raised her eyebrows in surprise as she turned around to Foy.

"I can do better," she said proudly, a thick Scottish accent showing.

The people gathered closer to one another and murmured about the strange foreigner. "Damn immigrants," one said a little too loudly (not that anyone noticed).

Foy, for a time scared and intimidated by the girl, regained his composure and folded his arms in front of him. "Oh?" he said.

"Yes," she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Prove it then," he countered.

"Just give me a minute to reload the guns," the vendor called, reaching over to where Anna had placed them last. The girl turned around slowly and looked at the vendor as if she didn't quite hear him right. "What?" she asked, raising her eyebrows again in confusion.

"Reload the guns, sweetheart," the vendor repeated, waving the now-empty guns as if to emphasize his point. The girl looked at the weapons from a distance, somehow entranced and intrigued by them. _As if she hasn't seen a gun before, _Albert thought, continuing to glare at her from within the crowd now, next to Anna.

"Oh," she said, still not convinced. "Well... I don't need any... _guns."_

The crowd murmured some more and looked on at her in confusion. She wasn't going to use a gun?

"No?" the vendor asked, hesitantly.

"No," she said, more confident this time. "I've got these." With that, she took out her tall, lean bow and a thin arrow. She placed the arrow in place and stretched back, showing off her weapon of choice. The crowd gasped and gawked as she did so. No one had ever seen a _white _person use a bow and arrow! The only people who used them were the Indians!

_What is she doing?! _Albert exclaimed internally as his jaw hung low and his eyes wide.

The vendor took several steps back, fully aware and alert of the girl in front of him. "Ok..." he said, cautiously, as he started the machine up again. He decided to go back to the regular pace so as not to wear her out too much. The machine whirred back to life and, soon, the targets started popping up again. As they did, the girl, so focused and determined on the task at hand, drew her arrow and let it fly. Quickly and swiftly, she grabbed another arrow from behind and shot it at the next target. She kept on doing this until the machine stopped. Once it did, everyone drew in their breaths and held them with anticipation as the vendor went to check on the targets. The girl lifted her head up in suspense, her breathing deep and steady.

The vendor did a double-take before muttering, "Good God Almighty!" He, finally, turned around and shouted so that the whole town could hear, "SHE SHOT EVERY SINGLE TARGET STRAIGHT IN THE MIDDLE!"

It seemed like everyone gasped and cheered at the exact same time. They hollered and laughed at the girl, who was now smiling and standing tall at her victory.

Foy's jaw dropped down to the floor as Louise came up from behind to gently take his arm, staring at the girl with utter curiosity as she did so. Anna and Albert whipped their heads towards each other and gave the other a surprised and stunned face. What the hell just happened?!

Suddenly, everyone's thoughts were interrupted again by another unknown voice. "MERIDA!" it bellowed.

Heads turned and people were shoved aside as someone quite rudely pushed their way through the crowd. More and more of the mysterious person began to show. He was a tall, lean man. He had gray hair that nearly matched his dark gray eyes. Wrinkles were seen on his face, making him appear to be a man of at least sixty. He was dressed in some sort of fancy, dark suit with shiny boots. No one knew what was more strange: his appearance or the way he was hurriedly trying to get to the girl. Once he did, however, his true anger showed.

"WHAT ONE EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" he yelled, walking right up in the girl's face and towering over her like the adult-figure he appeared to be.

"Shooting targets," Merida (that seemed to be her real name) told him plainly.

"I told you to stay right next to the TARDIS!" he exclaimed, lowering his voice slightly.

"You were taking _forever_!" Merida countered. "And there was this _huge _festival going on and I even _asked _you if I could come here for awhile and you said yes!"

"What have I told you, Merida? Rule number one: I lie! So when I say 'yes', I mean 'no'!"

"YOU'RE WORSE THAN MY MOTHER!" Merida finally yelled at him.

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME!" he yelled back.

"DON'T _YOU _YELL AT _ME! _I AM A..."

"MERIDA!" the man shouted in her face. "Don't you dare," he added, lowering his voice, which sounded even more scarier than the yelling.

"What?" she asked, lowering her voice to match his pitch.

The crowd surrounding them began to tense up at the confrontation before them. The man and girl just glared at each other defiantly, each showing that they were _not _going to back down without a fight. Finally, the man took a deep breath and leaned in closer to Merida. No one around them could hear his words, he made sure of that.

"Merida," he began, soft but intense, "you are a _princess _from _Scotland _from the _900's. _Where you are now is _America _in the _1880's. _You are nothing in this time period. The people here think differently than you do. They act differently. If they knew the whole truth about either you or me, they would surely hang us both. Believe me, I'm a 2,000 year old TimeLord. I've seen plenty of things. It's never pretty. Now, unless you want to get out of here with your life, I suggest you stop whatever it is you are doing and come back with me to the TARDIS now."

Merida soaked in all of the man's words. She understood them. She didn't approve of them. She didn't like them. But at least she understood.

And with that, Merida lowered herself and turned around back towards the gallery to retrieve her arrows. The crowd followed her every movement with scrutiny and caution. Some kept there eyes on the man, who in turn watched her like a hawk. Once all twelve of her arrows were taken out of the targets and given back to her, Merida whipped her head towards the man, eyes glaring, face stern. He gave a small nod and headed back out into the crowd. The people did not hesitate to part for him and Merida, who followed slowly, bow still in hand.

Foy, now within the crowd and locking arms with Louise, could not stop himself from muttering, "Good riddance."

Apparently Merida had sharp senses and had heard Foy's comment because before anyone could blink their eyes, Merida had whipped around, grabbed an arrow, and shot it straight at Foy's head! Luckily, it had reached his bowler hat and sent it flying through the air until it hit a nearby pole. The crowd screamed and gasped with shock. Some merely stepped back a few feet while others ran away.

"MERIDA!" the man bellowed once more, whipping around with anger coming across his face at ten times the intensity. Merida turned to him defiantly, her eyes just as intense. The mental showdown they were having did not stop the crowd around them from murmuring and arguing amongst themselves about what the hell was happening right now.

Foy had managed to duck in time and cover his head, gasping deeply and looking around confused and afraid. Louise bent down and wrapped herself around him. Albert could only stand in place watching the scene unfold before him. Anna carefully came up behind him to study his face. It had a mix of emotions: delighted that for once Foy was getting his ass kicked, scared at what the girl was capable of, surprised that this whole scene was actually happening, just to name a few. Soon, all eyes were back on the odd couple, still staring each other down.

Letting out a small sigh but never losing an ounce of courage, Merida made her way again towards the man. He let her go ahead of him and followed close behind. All eyes trailed on them as they left.

And then, some five minutes later, once everyone felt that the danger, the whole scene was over with, they all went back to the fair. No other words were exchanged. No glances back towards the two travellers. They just went back to business as usual at the fair.

Albert and Anna were the only two still in their original positions, and they were the only two still looking out at the man and the girl.

"What the hell just happened?" Albert finally said through the silence, not once looking back at Anna. She didn't look at him, either. She didn't even respond vocally. All she _could _do was shrug her shoulders in confusion.

* * *

"MERIDA! DON'T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM ME!" the man, the Doctor (as he was properly called) called out to Merida once they got inside the TARDIS.

"Ugh!" Merida exclaimed, setting her bow and arrows on the ground next to the TARDIS console. "I don't know why you even asked me to come along with you to explore the world if you won't even let me explore!" She turned around, furrowing her eyebrows at the Doctor.

"If we are going to explore, there are certain rules that you must follow so that you don't end up getting yourself or myself killed!"

"SEE! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN!" she yelled, flinging her arms about and marching up towards the Doctor. "You are _exactly_ like my mother! You don't even trust me! All you do is give me stupid rules that are meant to keep me safe, but really they're just keeping me from all of the promises you made to me! I don't even know why I bothered coming with you anymore! It's like all you ever do is tell me all of these amazing stories about all of these amazing things and then saying 'But you know, you really can't see all of these things because you might end up getting killed'. You might as well have left me back in Scotland! At least then I wouldn't have to deal with you, too!"

And with that said, Merida whirled back around and ran down the TARDIS hallway to her room. The Doctor just gazed on, expression plain and unfazed. This wasn't the first time Merida stormed off in a huff because of him. He was sure it wouldn't be the last. She was so unruly, headstrong, determined. Basically, she was a teenaged-girl version of him.

That's why he had asked her to come with him.

Looking back now, he fully accepts his decision as a good one but, also, fully regrets it.

He, also, regrets taking her to the Wild West.

"Why did I have to bring her _here?_" he asked himself. Suddenly, the TARDIS began to show something on the console's screen. The Doctor walked on up to see what it was.

It was the reason he brought her here.

* * *

Out of pure curiosity one day, Merida asked the Doctor if she was going to have any kids or grandkids when she got older. A family tree of her own. At the time, the Doctor, so busy and focused on something in particular (he couldn't remember what it was now), could only reply with, "I don't know." Later on, when Merida was sleeping, he looked up her family history from within the TARDIS's database.

What he saw surprised, no shocked, him.

To say her family tree was big would be an understatement.

It. Was. HUGE!

Merida would have children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren and... well, she would have a LOT of children. Some of them would live to see the great plays of Shakespeare. Some of them would be the first to land on American soil. Some would live to see the Industrial Revolution. Some would see decade of the Beatles. Some would see the age of adavanced technology.

For the first time in a long time, the Doctor was astounded at the sight before him.

To think that one's family would live and grow to such proportions and experience so much in all of history!

One man in particular caught his eye. He stopped the screen and stared at the man for several seconds. He was rather young-looking, with short black hair and deep dark eyes. The Doctor touched his icon and, instantly, all of his information came up.

His name was Albert Stark. He was a sheepfarmer from Old Stump, Arizona. He had a wife, Anna, with whom he had two boys and a girl. He worked predominantly during the late 1800's.

"Who is that?" he suddenly heard Merida say from behind him. He jumped slightly and turned around to take her in. She was still in her nigthgown and her hair went every which way as she rubbed her eyes.

"Thought you were asleep," the Doctor said, panting a little from the fright.

"I was. But I woke up and I couldn't go back to sleep. Thought I'd get some water or something."

Merida peeked over the Doctor to see a picture of a man with a woman.

"Who is that?" she asked again, finally regaining her sight and looking at the picture more clearly.

"Um..." the Doctor let out, not really sure if he should tell her the truth or lie. Again.

Yes. That's it. Lie. It's so much easier.

"That is..." he tried again, while Merida waited rather inpatietly for him to finish. "That is... a friend of mine."

Merida quirked up and eyebrow in confusion. "Really?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Yes! Me and him go way back! I once saved his town from a hoard of angry mutant wolves! We've still kept in touch over the years."

While he was explaining his situation, the Doctor sneakily exited out of the TARDIS's database without Merida noticing. When he turned around again, he knew his lie had worked because Merida's eyes were wide and her jaw was open.

"Wow!" she sighed. "That sounds so... amazing!"

"Yes. It truly was," the Doctor muttered, walking away to go down to some room in some area of the TARDIS, hoping that Merida would just go back into her room and go back to sleep.

However, it seemed that Merida was fully awake and already on her feet as she asked while following the Doctor, "So do you want to go visit him, then?"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks and turned around to face his companion. "What?" he asked.

"Do you want to go visit him?" she repeated. "Sounds like we could use another adventure! Why not go back to your friend's town? And, hey! Maybe we can find some more wolves to kill!" She giggled while the Doctor faked a laugh as best as he could.

In his mind, he was already forming plans. Should he take her to a time period so ahead of her time? If he did, would she be able to fit in well enough that the two of them would be clear of any death threats? Could there be a chance of her running into Albert and finding out that he's a part of her family tree?

What to do? What to do?

"Uh..." he stuttered. "Sure. Why not."

"YAY!" Merida cheered, practically pouncing on the Doctor and wrapping herself around him for a hug. The Doctor blinked for a moment, taking in the big ball of energy that was holding him so tightly. Finally, she let go and bounced back to her room. "Thank you, Doctor!"

"You're welcome," the Doctor said, rather quietly, still conjuring up a plan in his mind to avoid any disaster with this sudden trip.

After what seemed like hours of thinking, the Doctor came up with a perfect plan.

He would take Merida to the Wild West, make her promise to keep her mouth shut for a little while, take her around the town, tell her all that she needed or wanted to know, steer clear of Albert Stark, and, once nighttime fell, they would leave. He was fairly certain that no danger could come to a small town like Old Stump, so that was put to rest almost immediately.

The next morning, the Doctor realized that he had dropped his sonic screwdriver somewhere and was unsure of where it was. He begged Merida to wait for a few more minutes outisde of the TARDIS while he seached inside. He looked through every nook and cranny in the TARDIS but still could not find it. He was completely unaware that the annual fair was going on in Old Stump. He was, also, unaware of Merida excitedly popping in for a minute and asking him if she could go to the fair. He was so focused on finding his sonic, he absent-mindedly (and stupidly, now that he thought of it), told her that she could. It wasn't long after that that he found his sonic... in his jacket pocket. And it wasn't long for the Doctor to rush after Merida and realize that she was acting out of order in a time unknown to her. Sadly, he _had_to end the trip before it began.

True, Merida would hate him for doing a thing like that.

But, he knew that the hate would never last.

When all was said and done, she would come back out of her room, slowly approach the Doctor, and ask if they were going anywhere else.

Of course they would.

Of course.

Despite all of the danger that the Doctor and Merida expected and often faced, it would only be a matter of time before they were at it again.

**LOVE IT?! HATE IT?! ONLY ONE WAY I CAN FIND OUT! THANK YOU! :-)**


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